Saturday, August 4, 2012

That's Just What Moms Do

This week was my daughter’s 9th birthday.
After a fun birthday celebration, we found some time to have lunch and do a little shopping. 

She has really been in the mood to be a “mommy” these days, so she chose to spend her birthday money on clothes, furniture and a few other items for her baby dolls.
“I just love my babies.” She said, as she placed some pink mittens on one of her baby’s hands. She asked me if she ever had to wear mittens when she was a newborn. I told her that she did sometimes, but that usually her nails were clipped short enough so that she couldn’t scratch her face.
Then I told her about the very first time I cut her fingernails. I remember it as if it were yesterday. We were sitting on our blue glider in the living room, I laid her in my lap, and began clipping her nails. She wiggled, causing me to cut the skin on her finger and she bled.
She cried. So I cried.
We started laughing as I told her the story. “Why did you cry mommy?” She asked.
“I hated that I made you hurt.”
“That’s silly.” She continued laughing, “You are so funny! I can’t believe you cry just because I do.”
“I believe it. I just love you so much.” I said.
Over the past nine years, I have cried a lot of tears.
When she slipped and bumped her head on the bathtub, I cried with her. When she was adjusting to the new custody schedule, I cried with her. When she was frightened and wouldn’t loosen her grip on the first day of kindergarten, I hid my tears behind big black sunshades.
“You’re my baby. When you hurt, I hurt.” I tell her. “That’s just what moms do.”
That is what most moms do, I think to myself.
We think of our children. We pray for our children. We love our children so much that we attempt to protect them from even the smallest of hurts.
Currently, my husband and I are applying for a foster license and so my mind constantly stops to consider the children that don’t get that kind of love, affection and protection.
I am painfully aware that at the very moment that I am telling my little girl how much I love her, there is another parent somewhere out there harming his or her own child.
—“When I was a baby, what part of me did you love the most?” She asked interrupting my thoughts.
“I don’t think I had a favorite part,” I said, “I just loved every bit of you. I loved you so much, from the top of your curly little head down to your smallest little toe.”
A few moments later, I watched her wrap her baby doll up in her blanket. ”I love you so much.” She said as she cuddled her baby. Then she whispered, “that’s just what moms do.”

Monday, May 7, 2012

So Many Moments... to Collect

I am a collector of moments,

But so often
The moments
Become a distant memory
Because the new ones just keep piling on.

Life is a clock that keeps on t I c k I n g.

Why is it the older we get,
The more we want to do,
The less time we have,
The faster time goes?!

I love the moments,
And I want to hold on to them forever.
I am the girl
That WAS, that IS and WILL ALWAYS BE

forever floating,  
From one idea to the next,
Because I know this...
life has so much to offer.

There are…
So many experiences to have,
So many hands to hold,
So many books (: or blogs :) to read,
So many people to help,
So many friendships to create,
So many places to go,
So many shoes to wear,
So many restaurants to try,
So many bible verses to grasp,
So many kisses to plant,
So many flowers to pick,
So many fears to overcome,
So many songs to adore,
So many mountains to climb,
So many pictures to take,
So many hugs to give,
So many chances to take,
So many rides to take,
So many lessons to learn,
So many things to teach,
So many laughs to let out,
So many phone calls to make,
So many spring lines to enjoy,
So many children to love,
So many ideas to share,
So many stories to write,
So many prayers to pray,
So many "thank you"s to express,
So many lunch dates to plan,
So many oceans to breathe in,
So many recipes to try,
So many moments to enjoy.

The reality is that I am not in search of any treasures here on earth

How fortunate I am
To collect the blessings that have been given to us.
I do so with gratitude
and hope
That someday
We will get to relive
The most beautiful moments again.

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

"I am Just a Girl"

I am just a girl.

I am a girl with hopes and dreams, a girl with faith, in much bigger things, than herself.

I am a girl who has made many mistakes, but who attempts to learn from them.

I am a girl who needs no one, but prefers to have someone. 

 I am a girl who gives freely, but sometimes holds on too tight.

I am a girl that values her existence, but sometimes asks why.

 I am a girl that has had a broken heart, but still believes in Happily Ever After.

I am a girl that believes in forgiveness, but has to work hard to succeed at it.

I am a girl that needs guidelines and structure, but has a tendency to do things her own way. 

I am a girl that wears makeup daily, but knows that true beauty is found within.
I am a girl who prefers consistency, but finds herself changing with each new day.

I am a girl who couldn't wait to grow up, but strives to preserve the innocence in her kids.

I am a girl that often forgets to turn out the light, but always remembers to follow it.

I am a girl who has so much to say, but usually keeps it to herself.

I am a girl who writes late at night, but never wants to get up in the morning.

I am a girl who embraces happy thoughts, but sometimes struggles to find them.

I am a girl that bounces from one new idea to the next, but has a hard time finishing what she starts.
I am a girl who doesn't believe it, until she reads it, but never checks the source.

I am a girl that is interested in life and in learning in new things, but that gets bored easily.

I am a girl who loves to buy all things girly, but has little interest in spending the time to get dolled up.

I am a girl who has experienced many blessings, but is most grateful for the trials, because of what they have taught her. 

I am a girl who loves spending time out doors, but is fearful of all the creatures that live there.

I am a girl who loves to laugh, but prefers to watch movies that make her cry.

I am a girl who needs her independence, but values the freedom that comes with submission.

I am a girl who reads every diet article she finds, but eats chocolate daily anyway.

I am just a girl, who enjoys, just being, a girl.

Thursday, March 8, 2012

I Think of You Every Minute of Every Day

The other day, as we were riding in the car, I told my stepdaughter that every time I see a Petsmart, I think of her.

My stepdaughter laughed and repeated what I said to her sister, “Did you hear that? Every time mom sees a Petsmart she thinks of me.”

And our other daughter said, "Well, that's okay, because 

she thinks of me every minute of every day.”

I could not help but laugh.

My kids, who know how much I love them,

are still constantly seeking love, attention and approval.

Not just from each other, not just from their friends, but from us - their parents.
I thought of the kids that do not have that.

Each day as I pick up my girls from school, I see a half a dozen children get picked up for a local group home. I can see them standing in line with each other joking, laughing, smiling and waiting.
And I wonder…
Are they smiling on the inside?

They are not waiting for a parent to pick them up like most children.

They are not going to jump in their family car and go home to do homework with siblings.

They are waiting for a group leader, someone who is paid to pick them up, take them to their group home and who leaves when their shift is up.
Yet, there they stand, in front of the school, smiling.

They are so precious.
Do they know that?

Does anyone tell them that they matter?

That they have a purpose.
That they are loved.
That someone is thinking of them.
My heart hurts for these kids, 
but the sad truth is that their little hearts hurt more.
Tonight I will tuck my children into bed, say a prayer and we will kiss each other good night.
But tonight my thoughts are a million miles away.

Tonight, my thoughts are with those children that are going to bed alone, or hungry, or even hurting...hoping they will survive another day.

Tonight, I am thinking about the children that will never get to have a parent tell them, 

"I think of you every minute of every day."

Monday, February 6, 2012

What a Gift, Your Friendship & Bread

So much sweetness in this life...





Yep, I am a foodie.

I love it.

My hubby and I love trying new recipes,

and 10 days ago

we received a new one,

Amish Friendship Bread.

I had never heard of this bread before,

 so I was pretty excited to receive it,

but also a little nervous to try it.

Ooh, the pressure...

My friend gave me a bag of dough,

that came with 10 days of instructions.

What if I mess up the recipe and my friend asks me how it turns out?!

What if I tell people about the bread, then ruin it and

I don't get to give any out?

Can you believe I was nervous about bread?

Well, I was!

I'm a “what if” girl.

I have a tendency to let fears get to me.

I'm an often quiet, shy girl,

who sometimes worries about mistakes


I even make them!

I'm a lot of other things too.

I just have to

to remind

myself sometimes.

I'm a creative type.

I'm a wife, mother, step-mother, and friend.

 I’m a personal chef, chauffeur and a baker.

I’m a college grad, small business owner and homemaker.

A former school teacher, a scrapbooker and a maid.

I’m a freelance/blog writer and avid reader.

I’m a child care coordinator, and personal events planner.

I’m responsible, compassionate,

careful, and loyal.

I’m a nifty, thrifty, crafty girl,

And a savvy problem solver might I add.

I wear many hats.

I try lots of things.

I have experience.

Yet, even after


all of the things that

I know,

I still

at times

spend time


About the things


I don’t.

I am smart

enough to know,

some things just don’t matter.

Who cares if I make a mistake,

life will go on.

Things usually turn out better than expected,

Just like ~ this bread ~ last night.


even if it wouldn't have turned out perfectly,

I would have been just fine,

after all...

making mistakes is part of the growing process…

in the kitchen,


in life.

And I do realize that the best part of this bread,

Wasn't the  bread itself,

but the


that came with it!

30 – 3 things old seen new…dinner trays repainted, journals retyped, new blossoms on our old bush   
31 – a gift on a paper, in a person, in a picture…a card I found while cleaning that was given to my hubby a few years ago, my mother-in-law’s call (who’s bday was today), a drawing along with a hole in the wall, because my niece unexpectedly tacked a picture up for me in my office
1 – a visit from a friend, his time and love, putting together a puzzle with the kids
2 - hubby won a trip, she’s happy to go because she loves him, the power is in believing
3 – clarity, expression, revelation
4 - invitations made with my little one, a newly hatched bird in her cage, crumbs she left… because she was home
5 – a blouse from my friend, the bench that my hubby made with me, her red heart blanket